Trevor in Trimley's letter to Joni Mitchell

(Since she decided we shouldn't hear Both Sides Now)

Dear Joni,

I just heard the news! You’re in the fight! And you’re on our team! Mrs Trevor in Trimley and I are thrilled by your protest. It’s like the sixties all over again! Someone had to show those free expression types at Spotify what for. The last thing we want is to hear both sides now! 

There really is only one side to this whole argument. Ours! Exceptional talents like us Joni, with so much love in our hearts, don’t need to listen to other opinions, we already know they’re rubbish. They must be, because we’re right! It’s very simple logic!! 

Inspired by your oh so brave and well-considered stance, I have just this morning written to the supplier of the paper I use for my letters. My demand was simple. Stop allowing your paper to be used by any physician or scientist who might write opinions on it that run contrary to those of Joni Mitchell! They either comply with your views Joni, or I’m looking for another paper supplier! Ker-pow!! That’ll show ‘em! It’s time to stop this rampant freedom of expression! That’s the virus we really need to stamp out!

To further that end Joni, and in your honour, I have decided to form a protest movement that I am hoping will grow from strength to strength across the world. I’ve called it, Protest Against People Exploring Things From A Variety Of Angles! Or PAPETFAVOA for short. (A memorable name which I think you’ll agree trips easily off the tongue after only a handful of attempts at saying it.)

The good news doesn’t end there! As we evidently both agree that the free expression of an individual must be denied if a majority of people disagree with it (as has always been the case in science!) I have taken the liberty of making some suggested changes to the lyrics of your beautiful song Both Sides Now and have retitled it One Side Now, which I think more aptly captures where we’re both coming from! Be aware, my suggested version is shorter. Some of your original lyrics that once read like transcendent poetry are now frivolous to articulating a socially responsible message that serves the greater good, so I’ve cut them.

But here’s the big news I’m really hoping will make your day! Mrs Trevor in Trimley and I invite you, Joni Mitchell, to our friend Dave’s garage/recording studio here in Trimley St Mary to record this new version with us, with ALL proceeds (after expenses: tea bags, digestives, milk, etc) going to PAPETFAVOA! (I can hold my own on a ukulele and Mrs Trevor in Trimley has always played an enthusiastic triangle.)

As for my suggested changes, you’ll notice that I didn’t alter the lyric, “I really don’t know love at all.” It seems more poignant now than ever.

One Side Now 

By Joni Mitchell and Trevor in Trimley (based on Joni Mitchell’s Both Sides Now)

Rows and floes of angel hair

And vaccine castles in the air

And faces covered everywhere

I like COVID this way

But misinformers block the sun

They rain and snow on everyone

So many things I would have done

But they got in my way

I’ve looked at this from one side now

From my perspective to which all must bow

It’s just illusions they believe

They really don’t know this disease

But now old friends are acting strange

They shake their heads, they say I’ve changed 

I turned away, there’s nothing gained

From listening anyway

I’ve looked at life from one side now

Learned nothing new, and still somehow 

It’s my right to censor you

I really don’t know love at all

Looking forward to getting in the studio with you Joni!

Yours sincerely,

Trevor In Trimley